We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
