guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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