I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
