Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm passing your future prison.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
