my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
