Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize