My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
God, I missed his penis.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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