it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
