My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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