i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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