i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
