planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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