so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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