the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
