so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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