i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
