I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
