I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
