now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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