Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
