You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
