I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize