So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
