Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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