my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dicks are not precious.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Never underestimate the power of titties
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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