I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
