it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
