I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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