Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
