before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
