he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
try to milk me bitch
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