my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
