I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
