I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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