how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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