I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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