it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
