You really coming over, don't trick.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize