first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I am morally bankrupt
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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