Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
