im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
