Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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