his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
