the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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