Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
