Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
