Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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