finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
