Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
