Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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