I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize