Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
