"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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