And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
