yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
