Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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