I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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