yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
