I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize