im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
