put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
