OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
