he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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