Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I AM VODKA MAN
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
