It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She bit a glass in half.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
