Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
