idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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