Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
