Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
