I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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