im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
