hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
